Am I making a difference?

I ask myself daily "Am I making a difference?"

As I walk the halls, I see faces upon faces pass me by and the random shout out, " Hey, Ms. Jordan". I cant help but wonder what will be my impact in the lives of these students. I have to admit that so far I have been nothing short of overwhelmed when it comes to the demands of teaching. I am struggling to keep myself afloat in the sea of paperwork that not only I have to complete, but I must somehow get students to return with parent signatures. I have a million things to finish and well not enough hours in my day to complete even a tenth of those required.

I sit and wonder is this what I went to school for seven years to do. Am I making a positive influence in the lives of students inside and outside of my classroom? I dont mean this like I want to quit or give up on the students...that is exactly opposite of my intension. I teach students who are repeating Algebra for the second if not third time. I am just wondering where is the time to impart the knowledge of mathematics and make connections with students when I am buried in the paperwork required. I am struggling to find the light in the darkness of my students lives and realize the battles they are facing. I am the last hope some of these students have for making it to graduation...but I am struggling just to gain respect from these students who hate the system.

I am accountable for the education of these students in a subject that most people absolutely loath and this task seems so daunting in my third week of teaching. I am struggling to find a way to reach my students because the displine/behavior issues inside and outside of my classroom have hindered any sense of class flow or cohesion. I am constantly dealing with kids who are suspended or in retract...this just puts them further and further behind. I am just frustrated with the difficulty of the balance between those who want to succeed and those who are just causing disruptions which impedes the learning process of all their classmates.

I just want to know that the hours of work, frustration, worry, and prayers will have a positive impact on at least one of the students that come across the threshold of my classroom. I am struggling with the battle to remain positive in a system that so many are bashing. I just want my students to leave my classroom knowing that ... A. I cared about them, B. they should have respect for themselves, C. hardwork and determination will get you far in life, D. be more prepared to meet the demands of society after high school, and maybe just maybe they will be E. Better problem solvers. SO, with that said I have to do my best to focus each day on the fact that TODAY is a new day and that students can suceed TODAY in my classroom, and remain hopeful that I am doing what I set out to do in the first place.

Two quotes that are some of my favorites, and I find helpful in keeping my attitude positive and my strength during the difficult times throughout each day are as follows:

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."- Ghandi

I have to remember how to measure success which I think Ralph Waldo Emerson sums up perfectly!

"The definition of success- To laugh much; to win the respect of intellegent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...This is to have succeeded."