I went to worship at BCM Tuesday knowing I just needed that pure worship time, but I was struck by how much meaning Jerrod's talk about the challenges that new college students face and relevance those same words had in my life currently. I mean there are moments in sermons that you feel like God just singled you out, and said hey I am speaking directly to you with this sermon. I know that I have had struggled to see my place in the classroom with the difficulty of my first few weeks. But, God knows exactly how much we can handle and exactly when you need encouragement. Well, he did just that with the words He spoke through Jerrod.
The following verse struck me on Tuesday.
'I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance.' - Revelation 2:2
It may seem simple, but it just dawned on me that God knows my heart and my struggles. He also will never give me more than I can handle. He has called me to be an educator, I am certain of that. I need to be secure in the fact that he will use me where he places me. I have wondered in the past weeks if I was failing the students, because it has been a rocky start with students that have been lost to suspensions. I know too that I am doing all that I can to be effective inside and outside of the classroom. This verse hit me like a brick...persevere, keep fighting the good battle...just because you cant see the value immediately does not mean their is no value in the tasks you have been charged to carry out. I know that where I am weak He is strong...and He will be there to guide me in the direction to take in my job.
'He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.'- Isaiah 40:29-31
Tonight God knew exactly what I needed to hear to lift my spirit and change my perspective. I got a phone call from a friend that I have worked years with. First good news, he was baptized this past weekend...Amen. Second, he has decided to give back to his community through starting a high school tutoring ministry at his church. The tutoring started tonight and he called me so excited to let me know that he was tutoring two of my former students. He asked the students about me, and the student paid me one of the coolest/humbling compliments a teacher can receive. They are twins that I helped and had many conversations with while student teaching. The students told him that, "Ms. Jordan is the only reason we decided to take Calculus in high school. We had decided totally against it, and after long conversations with Ms. Jordan about college and our opportunities we decided to take Calculus." I am speechless....It is amazing to think that you can impact students lives so drastically with helping them pass Algebra 2 with Trig...to deciding to take a Calculus. They also said that we had several meaningful spiritual conversations...It just made my day more than I can express. I just am humbled by God using me in their lives. It makes the rough days seem worth every second.
My friend went on to say that he believes it was no coincidence that we worked together, that I taught these students, that he met these students, that they discussed me, that he is using these students to build a ministry, and that he would love for me to join him in the ministry. It is the work of God that these situations all intersected and it is totally amazing to see how God works through people and makes peoples paths purposefully cross. I am just honored and completely humbled that God chose me to impact these lives...Who am I?
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Am I making a difference?
I ask myself daily "Am I making a difference?"
As I walk the halls, I see faces upon faces pass me by and the random shout out, " Hey, Ms. Jordan". I cant help but wonder what will be my impact in the lives of these students. I have to admit that so far I have been nothing short of overwhelmed when it comes to the demands of teaching. I am struggling to keep myself afloat in the sea of paperwork that not only I have to complete, but I must somehow get students to return with parent signatures. I have a million things to finish and well not enough hours in my day to complete even a tenth of those required.
I sit and wonder is this what I went to school for seven years to do. Am I making a positive influence in the lives of students inside and outside of my classroom? I dont mean this like I want to quit or give up on the students...that is exactly opposite of my intension. I teach students who are repeating Algebra for the second if not third time. I am just wondering where is the time to impart the knowledge of mathematics and make connections with students when I am buried in the paperwork required. I am struggling to find the light in the darkness of my students lives and realize the battles they are facing. I am the last hope some of these students have for making it to graduation...but I am struggling just to gain respect from these students who hate the system.
I am accountable for the education of these students in a subject that most people absolutely loath and this task seems so daunting in my third week of teaching. I am struggling to find a way to reach my students because the displine/behavior issues inside and outside of my classroom have hindered any sense of class flow or cohesion. I am constantly dealing with kids who are suspended or in retract...this just puts them further and further behind. I am just frustrated with the difficulty of the balance between those who want to succeed and those who are just causing disruptions which impedes the learning process of all their classmates.
I just want to know that the hours of work, frustration, worry, and prayers will have a positive impact on at least one of the students that come across the threshold of my classroom. I am struggling with the battle to remain positive in a system that so many are bashing. I just want my students to leave my classroom knowing that ... A. I cared about them, B. they should have respect for themselves, C. hardwork and determination will get you far in life, D. be more prepared to meet the demands of society after high school, and maybe just maybe they will be E. Better problem solvers. SO, with that said I have to do my best to focus each day on the fact that TODAY is a new day and that students can suceed TODAY in my classroom, and remain hopeful that I am doing what I set out to do in the first place.
Two quotes that are some of my favorites, and I find helpful in keeping my attitude positive and my strength during the difficult times throughout each day are as follows:
"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."- Ghandi
I have to remember how to measure success which I think Ralph Waldo Emerson sums up perfectly!
"The definition of success- To laugh much; to win the respect of intellegent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...This is to have succeeded."
As I walk the halls, I see faces upon faces pass me by and the random shout out, " Hey, Ms. Jordan". I cant help but wonder what will be my impact in the lives of these students. I have to admit that so far I have been nothing short of overwhelmed when it comes to the demands of teaching. I am struggling to keep myself afloat in the sea of paperwork that not only I have to complete, but I must somehow get students to return with parent signatures. I have a million things to finish and well not enough hours in my day to complete even a tenth of those required.
I sit and wonder is this what I went to school for seven years to do. Am I making a positive influence in the lives of students inside and outside of my classroom? I dont mean this like I want to quit or give up on the students...that is exactly opposite of my intension. I teach students who are repeating Algebra for the second if not third time. I am just wondering where is the time to impart the knowledge of mathematics and make connections with students when I am buried in the paperwork required. I am struggling to find the light in the darkness of my students lives and realize the battles they are facing. I am the last hope some of these students have for making it to graduation...but I am struggling just to gain respect from these students who hate the system.
I am accountable for the education of these students in a subject that most people absolutely loath and this task seems so daunting in my third week of teaching. I am struggling to find a way to reach my students because the displine/behavior issues inside and outside of my classroom have hindered any sense of class flow or cohesion. I am constantly dealing with kids who are suspended or in retract...this just puts them further and further behind. I am just frustrated with the difficulty of the balance between those who want to succeed and those who are just causing disruptions which impedes the learning process of all their classmates.
I just want to know that the hours of work, frustration, worry, and prayers will have a positive impact on at least one of the students that come across the threshold of my classroom. I am struggling with the battle to remain positive in a system that so many are bashing. I just want my students to leave my classroom knowing that ... A. I cared about them, B. they should have respect for themselves, C. hardwork and determination will get you far in life, D. be more prepared to meet the demands of society after high school, and maybe just maybe they will be E. Better problem solvers. SO, with that said I have to do my best to focus each day on the fact that TODAY is a new day and that students can suceed TODAY in my classroom, and remain hopeful that I am doing what I set out to do in the first place.
Two quotes that are some of my favorites, and I find helpful in keeping my attitude positive and my strength during the difficult times throughout each day are as follows:
"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."- Ghandi
I have to remember how to measure success which I think Ralph Waldo Emerson sums up perfectly!
"The definition of success- To laugh much; to win the respect of intellegent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...This is to have succeeded."
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