My soul craves...

My soul craves...to be filled up...to overflow.
It craves hope, change, purpose, passion, mercy, and love. I have come to the conclusion that we will never be satisfied...nor should we be. God created us to be ambitious and gave us the desire to leave this place better than we found it.

I have been reflecting on my past semester...which was by far the thoughest I have ever experienced. There were many moments were I wanted to give up and choose a new profession...thats what you get when you attempt to handle everything on your own.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverence the race marked for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scourning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
-Hebrews 12:1-3

GOD LOVES MESSED UP PEOPLE! ( That is such an amazing sign of his mercy and grace!)

All I need to say about this semester is, "Forgive Me."

How have I doubted you? How have I let others get to me spiritually? Why have I been so blind? I have shut you out while all the time you have been pursuing me. Your grace is sufficient - I cant thank you enough. I have fallen into the trap Satan places directly in front of us. I have not been the best teacher, coach, friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, or grand daughter I can be lately because I lost my balance.

This semester feels like it has been an epic fail in some ways, and I have to learn from my mistakes. I am so used to success and this semester absolutely frustrated me. I feel as if this system beat me down mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For a while I have tried to understand this semester and have resented God for making it so difficult, and then I gained some much needed perspective while reading.

"You can spend your whole life trying to become what your soul longs for without God. You might resent him that he's made it hard for you to live out your dreams or fulfill your destiny. It's never quite hit you that it's in the struggle, in the process, even in the search for God, that He is making you strong enough to take flight." - Erwin Raphael McManus

These words resound in truth.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
- James 1:2-4

The thing God keeps hammering home in my stubborn ways is to have faith and relinquish control and all worry and concerns to him. He afterall is Man enough to handle it (well he is better than man, but you get what I am trying to say!)

I have to say that God has beyond blessed me with the most amazing friends and family who speak truth and encouragement into my life. My family is a rock of unwavering support and love. Morgan well she is always there to listen and just gets what I am and I am not saying. She always asks about my feelings (hahaha) and makes me verbalize which I....well slightly struggle with. She has a beautiful heart and is a humble servant. Ellie is amazing and brings laughter and fun into everything. You never have a dull moment when you are with her. She has tenacity and sassiness. I know she would do anything for me. Felicia always brings truth, impartial advice, and insight into situations. She is incredible, honest and trustworthy. She is truly a wonderful friend. Tay and Maria what can I say about these two...I simply love them both and they always have laughter and such encouraging words. BJ is always there when I am in need of a hug...oh and our life chats aren't too shabby either. Shannon, my adult advice guru, she is so wise and well simply astonishing. She is an amazing woman of God and ballin' campus minister, who is making a difference in the lives of her students. And well then I guess there is that fella by the name of Zeb. He is a great Christian guy who loves his family and helping others. He listens to me...even my complaining about an education system I cant fix and all. He is an extraordinary, thoughtful, and supportive boyfriend. He doesnt back down from an argument (sometimes you just need to argue about any random pointless topic and well he holds his own) and makes me laugh.

So, here's to my peeps (if I had a glass I would make a toast!)...I have the best in the world!

God has brought each of these amazing people into my life and knows the friendship and compassion I need from them. I love each of them and the light they bring into my life.

So, year 2010 has proved to be anything but boring. I have lived, I have learned, and I am thanking God for his unconditional love. God has shown me patience, determination, and persaverance this semester in whole new ways.

The thought I want to end on is this:
If I truly believe you are my strength, my song, my light, and my salvation, then why do I go about trying to do things on my own? I need to realize that I am only empowered by the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. And if I know that my Savior can move mountains then why do I let in Satan and the doubters? I have to be purposeful in keeping God as my leader and the relationship that makes all the difference in my walk and day-to-day life.

I cant make a difference in the lives of my students and others if I cant get my steps in tune with God. I have to push away the enemy and stand with the peace and purpose of God.

Overwhelmed

I am exhausted. The end.

Jadon Lavik- "Never Alone"

And I am never alone, never forgotten, or an afterthought to you
Oh and I am never alone, not left to my own strength to make it through

He has made with us a promise
Built on the most amazing grace
Found in the childlike surrender
Just the smallest seed of faith
Blessed assurance hopeful future
Peace to calm the mighty storm
When it seems like nobody else cares
Yes my God he will be there

And I am never alone, never forgotten, or an afterthought to you
Oh and I am never alone, not left to my own strength to make it through

And I will never have to fear my God is here right here
Spoken words of truth from the God that never fails you

Why Me?

"I called; you answered, and you came to my rescue..."

These lyrics ring so true...

I am not worthy to call His name much less be forgiven in his sight. I don't deserve His forgiveness yet he offers it freely to me. My trifflin foolish ways are disgusting/despicable in his pure and perfect existence.

His love can not be pirated or reproduced or matched.
I am a sinner falling way short of the Glory of God...yet he took my sins upon the cross and only asks for my faith in him.

My little mind cannot wrap around and comprehend the unending love and existence of this glorious mercy. His Grace is sufficient, because I couldn't possibly ever earn a place in his presence.

So, I wonder, "Who am I?" And I thank God for reaching down and pulling me out of darkness.

But he said to me," My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Cor. 12:9

Lyrics that spoke to me today were "Savior, Please" by Josh Wilson

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends,
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I cant do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me.

Amen!

Just Another Day In Trenches...

I went to worship at BCM Tuesday knowing I just needed that pure worship time, but I was struck by how much meaning Jerrod's talk about the challenges that new college students face and relevance those same words had in my life currently. I mean there are moments in sermons that you feel like God just singled you out, and said hey I am speaking directly to you with this sermon. I know that I have had struggled to see my place in the classroom with the difficulty of my first few weeks. But, God knows exactly how much we can handle and exactly when you need encouragement. Well, he did just that with the words He spoke through Jerrod.

The following verse struck me on Tuesday.

'I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance.' - Revelation 2:2

It may seem simple, but it just dawned on me that God knows my heart and my struggles. He also will never give me more than I can handle. He has called me to be an educator, I am certain of that. I need to be secure in the fact that he will use me where he places me. I have wondered in the past weeks if I was failing the students, because it has been a rocky start with students that have been lost to suspensions. I know too that I am doing all that I can to be effective inside and outside of the classroom. This verse hit me like a brick...persevere, keep fighting the good battle...just because you cant see the value immediately does not mean their is no value in the tasks you have been charged to carry out. I know that where I am weak He is strong...and He will be there to guide me in the direction to take in my job.

'He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.'- Isaiah 40:29-31

Tonight God knew exactly what I needed to hear to lift my spirit and change my perspective. I got a phone call from a friend that I have worked years with. First good news, he was baptized this past weekend...Amen. Second, he has decided to give back to his community through starting a high school tutoring ministry at his church. The tutoring started tonight and he called me so excited to let me know that he was tutoring two of my former students. He asked the students about me, and the student paid me one of the coolest/humbling compliments a teacher can receive. They are twins that I helped and had many conversations with while student teaching. The students told him that, "Ms. Jordan is the only reason we decided to take Calculus in high school. We had decided totally against it, and after long conversations with Ms. Jordan about college and our opportunities we decided to take Calculus." I am speechless....It is amazing to think that you can impact students lives so drastically with helping them pass Algebra 2 with Trig...to deciding to take a Calculus. They also said that we had several meaningful spiritual conversations...It just made my day more than I can express. I just am humbled by God using me in their lives. It makes the rough days seem worth every second.

My friend went on to say that he believes it was no coincidence that we worked together, that I taught these students, that he met these students, that they discussed me, that he is using these students to build a ministry, and that he would love for me to join him in the ministry. It is the work of God that these situations all intersected and it is totally amazing to see how God works through people and makes peoples paths purposefully cross. I am just honored and completely humbled that God chose me to impact these lives...Who am I?

Am I making a difference?

I ask myself daily "Am I making a difference?"

As I walk the halls, I see faces upon faces pass me by and the random shout out, " Hey, Ms. Jordan". I cant help but wonder what will be my impact in the lives of these students. I have to admit that so far I have been nothing short of overwhelmed when it comes to the demands of teaching. I am struggling to keep myself afloat in the sea of paperwork that not only I have to complete, but I must somehow get students to return with parent signatures. I have a million things to finish and well not enough hours in my day to complete even a tenth of those required.

I sit and wonder is this what I went to school for seven years to do. Am I making a positive influence in the lives of students inside and outside of my classroom? I dont mean this like I want to quit or give up on the students...that is exactly opposite of my intension. I teach students who are repeating Algebra for the second if not third time. I am just wondering where is the time to impart the knowledge of mathematics and make connections with students when I am buried in the paperwork required. I am struggling to find the light in the darkness of my students lives and realize the battles they are facing. I am the last hope some of these students have for making it to graduation...but I am struggling just to gain respect from these students who hate the system.

I am accountable for the education of these students in a subject that most people absolutely loath and this task seems so daunting in my third week of teaching. I am struggling to find a way to reach my students because the displine/behavior issues inside and outside of my classroom have hindered any sense of class flow or cohesion. I am constantly dealing with kids who are suspended or in retract...this just puts them further and further behind. I am just frustrated with the difficulty of the balance between those who want to succeed and those who are just causing disruptions which impedes the learning process of all their classmates.

I just want to know that the hours of work, frustration, worry, and prayers will have a positive impact on at least one of the students that come across the threshold of my classroom. I am struggling with the battle to remain positive in a system that so many are bashing. I just want my students to leave my classroom knowing that ... A. I cared about them, B. they should have respect for themselves, C. hardwork and determination will get you far in life, D. be more prepared to meet the demands of society after high school, and maybe just maybe they will be E. Better problem solvers. SO, with that said I have to do my best to focus each day on the fact that TODAY is a new day and that students can suceed TODAY in my classroom, and remain hopeful that I am doing what I set out to do in the first place.

Two quotes that are some of my favorites, and I find helpful in keeping my attitude positive and my strength during the difficult times throughout each day are as follows:

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."- Ghandi

I have to remember how to measure success which I think Ralph Waldo Emerson sums up perfectly!

"The definition of success- To laugh much; to win the respect of intellegent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...This is to have succeeded."

Let it Be!

So, I am jamming to some Beatles...

I am excited about the fact that I am starting a new chapter in my life...real adulthood. I am officially employed as a teacher at Alma Bryant High School. I dont think it has completely sunk in that I am going to have my own classroom in a few weeks. Let me just say I went to a meeting last week where we discussed retirement...which by the way is so odd and makes you feel really old. So yep, I am now a real life adult!

I am just enjoying my last few days of freedom before the crazy school year begins. I have been supported by so many people during my time in school and throughout this hiring process. I appreciate all those who contributed to my success over the years and helped me get to this point...I am truly lucky!

Sometimes you just got to throw your hand up and testify!

"I called, you answered and you came to my rescue;

and I want to be where you are."
-Came to My Rescue, Hillsong United

This summer has been amazing. God has shown me so much about who he is and who I am in him.

First, I have to say that I never expected camp to be so rewarding. I have had the privilege to work with some amazing people this summer...I cant explain my connection with the CWP staff (We are family.) BJ, Jen, Emily, Matt, Andy, Lisa, Andrea, Hayley, Josh, Kenzie, and Megan...(I know God brought us all together and it was great to scrub toilets, wash dishes, mop, sweep, sing random songs in unison, fry oreos and p-bjs, syncopate all varieties of rhythms on cafeteria tables and even pots and pans, laugh, play, worship and serve with you guys!) The camps have proven to wear out us staff and blessed us each in a unique way. Week one was Momentum kids camp, week 2 was Refuel youth camp #1, week 3 was Refuel youth camp #2, and week 4 was GA camp.

I loved every moment of my experience at Camp Whispering Pines...even in the difficult moments God revealed so much. I have seen lives changed including my own...it is amazing what God can show/teach you when you surround yourself with the beauty of his creation and minimize the distractions in your life.

There are so many great stories and new friendships from my time at CWP this summer. But, the most amazing and humbling expereience God let me be a part of was leading a girl named Gracie through a prayer of salvation. She told me she was too scared the first night to come forward during worship, but she could not stay seated the night she accepted Christ. I can't express in words how I felt during taht service and in that counseling session...the closest I can get is overwhelming joy mixed with the blessing of being allowed to experience the furthering of The Kingdom and the addition of a new name into the book of eternity. Still weeks later I am speechless. The kids camp was exhausting and one of the busiest schedules I have ever worked but worth every second. We had a 120 + kids during the first week. The girls in my cabin were great and leading devotion with them was so fantastic. Those little faces were so hard to say goodbye too...literally we stood by the van for thirty minutes giving hugs and more hugs. Fantastic week other than the fact I was miserably sick Tuesday and Wednesday.

The second camp was our first youth camp of the summer and the MUD ministries team out of Florida joined as staff and led camp with the CWP crew. The MUD team was AMAZING - cool people and so much fun to serve alongside! I was amazed at the instant connection I had with the MUD staff...It felt like I had known some of the mudlets for years. The first camp was only about thirty youth, this however made for a very cool closeknit camp. Some of the worship services during this camp were the most moving. OH!!!...I have failed to mention how completely awesome and talented the MUD worship band is! Each nightthey surprised me with their God given gifts and abilities to truly honor God with their talents! There were many youth saved at the services at Refuel camp #1, but the most moving service was the last night of camp. It was simple and brought worship back to the basics...just an acoustic guitar and lyrics. We changed our worship location from the chapel to the lodge were the only lighting was a fire in the fireplace and a few candles. We worshiped and God's presence was most definitely felt. It still gives me chills. We sang "Jesus Paid It All" and there was just so much emotion in that room. The message that night was simply one question posed by Dan, "What is keeping you from having a deeper relationship or any relationship with God?" We wrote our responses on slips of paper and were given the opportunity to make a decision to let them go and burn the obsticles we had written in the fire. Then Dan opened the floor for people to share what was holding them back...one person after another shared what was going on in their personal lives. It just goes to show that we are all broken and in need of a Savior and his unbounded GRACE. This service was so meaningful to me. Sometimes there is nothing left but to be broken and crying out in awe and admiration to a God that loves beyond what we can comprehend. The worship service left tears rolling down my face and me hugging one of my dearest friends while choking on the words..."Oh, praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead." I am confident it was by far the most intense and moving service for everyone this summer. I praise God for meeting with us in such a personal way that night. I was left with a heavy heart for the teenagers at this camp; their situations and obsticles in their personal lives just broke my heart. One thing resounds, God is always there for us and he can handle it all.

On a lighter note, the talent/lip sync contrest was an absolute blast. Jen and Mason's performance of "Let it Be" from Across the Universe was absolutely hilarious... R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Barbara Ann, Party in the USA (performed by a male camper in a green wig and makeup) and Saddie Hawkins Dance were my favorites. It was a fabulous way to close out Refuel camp.

The third camp was our largest camp and all but maxed out the camp capacity. The youth enjoyed the team competitions which included sloppy olympics, skits, trivia, an insane belly flop competition, camp quest, innertube dodgeball, and an EPIC relay. Daily we had different sessions and classes campers chose to which to participate in such as Question Wrestling. In this session, we talked through and tried to answer questions such as, "If God created us, then who or what created God?" and "If God knows what we are going to do before we do it, do we still have free will?" This class was led by the camp speaker Pastor Matt and Pastor Max. I left the class with some new perspectives on things such as eternity. The camp again saw girls in my cabin and many other youth make decisions about their faith. God used each camp differently to impact the lives of youth from local churches. The one thing that was apparent in the message that week to me was...Find what you are passionate about and then find some way to reach people for Christ or show Christ's love through the talents and gifts God gave us. I hated to see the end of Refuel camp come because it meant we had to say our goodbyes to the MUD staff as they were headed back to Florida to do camps of their own.

Week 4: GA Camp. It started off so well...who knew what was in store for us by Thursday. This was our only camp that really was affected and limited due to rain. We had to juggle activities and roll with things as they came along. This camp focuses on missions and educating girls about missionaries around the world. Wednesday night we had a worship service we had a worship service around the camp fire...I mean come on who doesn't like a fire side sing-along... Most of CWP staff have all served on mission trips, so the camp director asked if we would all share about our experiences. BJ and I tag-teamed the Guat experience and spoke about our opportunity to go abroad. It was a great fire side service but little did we know what we would wake up to the following morning. So in the middle of the night the stomach virus struck like a bandit and had absolutely no mercy... A tenth of the campers were filling the full wrath of the virus. In a few hours, we went from all is well to absolute war on germs.We had to end camp early and send campers packing- we had a germ epidemic on our hands.

Well the incredible CWP family that I spoke of earlier got the delight of cleaning and sanitizing every inch of the dorms... ladies and gentlemen it was not pretty or for the faint of heart. We should have had on full hazmat suits!!! Somehow we all survived the process of cleaning and sanitizing those dorms! Although we may later find out the side effects of inhaling the massive amounts of chemicals we used to scrub the place down! With all of that it was still a good camp and I hated to see it end like that.

This brings me up to the present, which I currently am chillin in

Bham with the parentals getting everything together to move on Saturday. I am still awaiting the final verdict on the whole job thing, but things are looking promising.

This summer has been an adventure that I thank God for. I met amazing new friends, learned so much about God, refocused, shared my faith, poured myself into others and let others pour themselves into my life, furthered friendships, and came away changed.

So, I am just throwing my hand up to testify! GOD IS GOOD!

New Focus

These are just some thoughts from the first week of camp...I am refocusing some things right now. I will soon post about my first camp of the summer which was childrens camp.

Anger that has taken over my thoughts and persuaded my action and emotions...I have allowed it to seep into my conscience and cloud my judgement. I need to realize that no matter what God is in control, his strength and love is deeper than anything we can humanly fathom. Life is short and God is teaching me to realize that anger only generates hate...which is just letting Satan win. I will not spend my life angry and allow that same anger to stomp out my joy!

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. - James 1:19-20

Something that has resounded in the first week at camp:
-How is it possible that we live as though it is about us?

My worries ( which are simply my lacking faith that God is powerful/caring enough to handle what is going on in my life.), my joys/sorrows, my gifts, my talents all fail mightily in comparison to His grace.

I need to understand that God is working on us, with us, and through us. We simply cant explain some things that happen, but God has a purpose and if we really open our eyes, ears, and hearts we can learn from all of life's situations and scenarios.

So for now, I simply just want to take the time to come and listen with reverence and a humble disposition, then praise Him for what he has done.

A new song that I just love:

Needtobreathe -- Something Beautiful

In you ocean I'm ankle deep,
I feel the waves crashing on my feet;
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out,
I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
when your tide washes over me,
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown?
Will you let me drown?

Hey now, this my desire:
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh...something beautiful.

And the water is rising quick,
And for years I was scared of it.
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side,
No, I can't leave your side.

Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh...something beautiful,
Oh-oh...something beautiful.

In a daydream
I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful.
But when I wake up
And all I want, I have
You know it's still all I need - something beautiful.

Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh...something beautiful,
Oh-oh...something beautiful.

So yeah... It is Well with My Soul!

There has been a good deal going on in my life lately, and this semester has shown me that more than anything I must rely on God in all areas of my life. It is obvious that I can not handle it myself and today I am singing...

"Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same"

Somedays I sit and wonder who am I to be worthy of his grace.

I am washed by the water...

Guatemala

I have been blessed to have two chances to visit Guatemala on mission trips. Last year on my trip to Guatemala I was shocked by the poverty, living conditions, cultural differences, and the landscape. I had an eye opening experience and learned a great deal about myself and God. The most meaningful/impactful moment from last year's adventure was food delivery with BJ. We had each other, God, food to deliver, and no one who spoke a lick of English. We walked throughout the city of Paramos into people's homes were we passed a guy wielding a machine gun and kids riding bikes with machetes hanging from their hip, all with the intent to share the Gospel. This was the biggest leap of faith and reliance I have ever felt on God. It was amazing to witness His work, and even with a language barrier I knew he was moving and understood the words of a language I by far am not fluent in.


This year was a different experience completely. I learned just as much if not more this time around. I was not distracted by the shock-n-awe like my first visit and could see the relationships with these people and the way God uses us to show his love. I really made a connection with the members of this remote community atop a mountain. The following is what I wrote in my journal upon saying goodbye to these amazingly strong people.

3/17/10

"My four days here so far have truly been a blessing. I know we are here to spread the name of Jesus and sharing the love of our Savior (and we have), but I find myself completely in awe of these people and learning more and more about God's grace. I hurt for people I have so shortly had the opportunity to meet. These people who have nothing material wise are the most genuinely happy kids and families I have ever met. Though they have nothing they give all they have to us within their community. I am at a loss for words to describe this experience. Over the last few days we have worked with kids in the school and built houses across a beautiful landscape with a valcano as our backdrop. The kids here have only one pair of clothes and possibly shoes on their feet. Their smiles are captivating and steal your heart in an instant. They have climbed, swung, jumped, danced, played, smiled, laughed, joked, and talked with us every moment we have been in their village. It is amazing that God creates us all differently with languages that vary, and even still we can understand each others emotions and feelings. I am reminded of exactly how small I am in this world and yet with/through God I can make an impact. I yearn that we have planted a seed and glorified God with our every action this week. God has showed me the need to share with those who are less fortunate than ourselves.


It has been a punch in the gut to see these children without the opportunities I have been blessed with in my life. I wonder what their futures hold and whether any of them will ever see the world outside their village. It makes me shutter to see their intelligence and know that they will probably never be given the opportunities to educate themselves and change their circumstances. I have been drawn by the humanity and love our group and the people of San Rafeal have shared. I drove away today, and I had to catch my breath because it killed me to leave these faces behind. It pains me to know that I may never see these people again on earth, but I have comfort knowing we shared Christ and love to these families and the community. These five houses God planted in this village are the fruits of his labor, many prayers, dedication, and sacrifices. His grace and love is in every face I looked into over the past few days. I pray that God never lets me forget these people, their problems, and their joy. I made many new friends and want to never lose sight of the important aspects of the relationships established in San Rafeal.


I love that both times I have come to Guatemala, God has touched me and taught me more than I could even possibly be prepared for. I love sharing with these people what He has done for me. I simply lack the eloquent words to even get close to serving justice to what God has done this week in my heart and hopefully the hearts and lives around me.


I will miss Melby's face and his amazing infectious smile. God I pray especially for him that he grows into a Godly man and that you poor blessings into his life and his family. I pray that he has a strong relationship with you. It killed me to leave today without seeing him one last time, but I know you are looking over him."






The trip is now over and its back to the reality of school and student teaching. I want to say thanks to Shannon for doing a wonderful job as our leader and I am thankful for every member of our group.

I am a rock, I am an island...

Sometimes I wonder how those around me can hide their pain and grief with a smile on their face. I dont understand how people who on the outside appear so together are torn to shreds on the inside...those whose lives seem happy are often the ones covering up the pain. I cant comprehend the thought of suicide, and I feel sorrow for those who are at a point that the only way to make themselves feel better is to end their life. I just personally cant relate, because I have never been to a point that low and I thank God for that. Maybe it is also that I dont hide my emotions well...I may not verbalize them but my thoughts and emotions are written all over my face. You can take one look at me and know what my emotions are at any moment. I just believe though that suicide is the selfish way out of life's problems. There is no man or woman that is truly an island unto themselves, and there are people in everyone's life that sincerely care about them. Those who attempt suicide dont consider the impact of how deeply this hurts those they most care about.

I just want to know were the signs for depression there? Did we just miss them? Are we just so busy that we overlook people's emotions and feelings? Is their hope that fleeting?

Anyways, these are just some questions I was pondering...

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature." - Anne Frank


Mandisa says it best with her lyrics...

Been a hard one, Been a bad one
Been a tough one, Been a sad one
It's been one of those days that keeps chipping away
Nothing new here, It's what I do here
its a stereotypical day, in the life
I'm surrounded by all of the pain and the strife
but I know it's alright

Cause it's only the world I'm living in
It's only today I've been given
There ain't no way I'm giving in
Cause it's only the world
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me
Yeah its only the world

Anybody can you hear me?
Do you feel me? I mean, do you feel me?
I know I'm not the only one wearing the weight of this world
We got problems said it's alright
Just remember yeah, it's alright
Take a good look around we're just stuck on the ground for a little while
Don't it make you smile

Cause it's only the world I'm living in
It's only today I've been given
There ain't no way I'm giving in
Oh Cause it's only the world
I know the best is still yet to come
Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me

Heaven is a place where the tears on every face will be wiped away
Oh and I can't wait to go, but for now it's enough to know
This is only temporary this only , Yeah it's Alright!

Just sittin' here resting my bones....

So, I have been crazy busy the last few weeks and havent written much, but these past weeks have been slammed packed with great memories. I will give you a snapshot of the last month which included a very spontaneous and unlikely snow day which included multiple snowball fights and the building of snow people. The next adventure was Mardi Gras Mobile Style!





Some days it is just nice to get excited about the small things such as school being cancelled (I mean just all full of happiness with childlike exuberance to play in the snow!) and to attend a parade and catch fists fulls of beads that are absolutely worthless. Life simply doesnt get much better. In the past two weeks I have also had my fair share of stresses and worries...but I reminded myself to allow time to workout frustrations but to let what you cant change/control go. I need to be content/happy in the blessings in my life. I have decided to start focusing on the good rather than the bad...I need to look at things through different eyes and from different perspectives and realize the big picture.

I am getting more excited by the moment for our trip to Guatemala! I know that the trip will be life changing and be that reminder that I dont have problems when I see the situation these precious children grow up in. I thank God for the opportunity to go and serve with friends in a country and villages that so desperately need to hear a good message.

Student teaching has been a wonderful experience, and I know I could not have gotten a better placement. I am so thankful for the opportunity to work with teachers and professionals that are giving me experience and feedback that will only make me a stronger, more effective teacher come August. I have just been amazed at the conversations and discussions I have had with not only students but teachers alike. I have seen nothing but respect and interest from teachers in making my days easier in this transition as well advice for my career field.

Can I just say that the Olympics just rock! I am a huge fan of the humanity and the gathering of nations to pursue a common quest of athletic excellence. I love to see the pride of nations and cant imagine how awesome the moment must be to step up on the podium and hear the American National Anthem. I get chills just watching it on t.v. and cant fathom the moment and shear exhilaration of recieving a gold medal (I mean that is the ultimate bling!). But oh if I could I would want it to be for curling...Curling is by far the best Winter Olympic sport. Russia 2014 here I come. So, I have got to sign off and get to work on my sweeping skills!

I can only imagine....

I am reminded today that life is precious and short. We need to say what we mean and mean what we say. I am reminded that I need to live a life that is intentional and purposeful. I have been pondering my life's mission statement and philosophy lately. One of the questions I have been asking myself is "What impact will I have on the world?" & "What will be my legacy?"

I have come to the conclussion that the following quotes sum up what I feel about what I want my contribution to be for humanity.

Isaiah 1:17
Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the opprressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the cause of the widow.

Luke 10:2
And He said to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest."

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." ~ Albert Einstein

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, " I used everything you gave me."~ Erma Bombeck

These are questions that I have been throwing around in my head and contemplating:

1.When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?
2. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?
3. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
4. Are you listening to what God has intended and planned for your life?
5. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What's holding me back?
6. Have I been the kind of friend I want as a friend?
7. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
8. If not now, then when?
9. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
10. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?

I say all this because I need to evaluate the time and effort I am expending in my daily life to make sure I am where I need to be. Today has been a crazy day filled with lots of reflection on life and God's mercy.

Anyways ...life is short and we need to let those around us know how much they mean in our lives...we need to create or add to our bucket lists...we need to dance while no one is looking, sing at the top of our lungs, kick off the training wheels, test the waters, and take a leap of faith!

Embracing the madness of it all...

I have to say that prior to this semester I thought it could get no crazier schedule wise...but HARK! I was wrong. Student teaching is keeping me busy and on my toes. I am enjoying student teaching and the classroom experience has been wonderful. I have however decided that I am giving up on the idea of sleep until May 8th. It is crazy to think that soon I will have my Masters, and that I will be joining the real world and all its glory (work and bills).

This year I have seen a lot of changes in my attitude towards situations and people, grown deeper in my relationship with God, realized what is important, traveled throughout the states and abroad, been on mission trips, cultivated friendships that will last a lifetime, as well as been challenged and humbled. I am blessed in the craziness that sometimes overwhelms my daily life...I just need to stop and smell the roses along the way. Remind myself to embrace the hectic schedule and realize the magnitude of the opportunities I have been given.

I cant wait to be on a plane headed to Guatemala once again!

Moral of it all...Live it up. Keep it real. Take in all the craziness life offers!

*photo credit: BJ Smith