How do I allow myself...to be so fooled. Why do I act so blindly? Am I that niave? Am I just a pawn? Do I not think for myself? I tend to view myself as educated... lately I second guess that. I really am struggling right now. Everytime I turn I just get blindsided. Do I know what I want out of life? I used to think so...I just simply need to be honest with myself...which even my integrity has been challenged lately and that is such a deep blow to me.
I flipped open my bible and the following is what it spoke to me. Such great verses. Proverbs 4:20-27
"My son, be attentive to my words;
incline your ear to my sayings.
Let them not escape from your sight;
keep them within your heart.
For they are life to those who find them,
and healing to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.
Put away from you crooked speech,
and put devious talk far from you.
Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.
Ponder the path of your feet;
then all your ways will be sure,
Do not swerve to the right or the left;
turn your foot away from evil.
I think what I have taken from my time with God lately is that I am too consumed with things that I cant control. I drown in this sea of guilt, doubt, worry, and it isnt intended for me to go there in the first place. I end up off the path and learn things the absolute most difficult way, by either taking my eyes away from the place they should be focused or trying to deal with things on my own terms.Which I have found never works out for me. Why am I so stubborn/hard headed?
PSALMS 25: 16-22
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
bring me out of my distresses.
Consider my affliction and my trouble,
and forgive all my sins.
Consider how many are my foes,
and with what violent hatred they hate me.
Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!
Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprighteousness preserve me,
for I wait for you.
Reedem Israel, O God,
out of all his troubles.
This is my cry. Why does music speak so much truth? Maybe it breaks down barriers and speaks to us in ways we simply cant explain. Anyways this song is on repeat right now.
Todd Agnew "If I could just sit with You awhile"
'If I could just sit with You awhile, if You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me though I am wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You awhile, I need You to hold me
moment by moment, 'till forever passes by'
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