My soul craves...to be filled up...to overflow.
It craves hope, change, purpose, passion, mercy, and love. I have come to the conclusion that we will never be satisfied...nor should we be. God created us to be ambitious and gave us the desire to leave this place better than we found it.
I have been reflecting on my past semester...which was by far the thoughest I have ever experienced. There were many moments were I wanted to give up and choose a new profession...thats what you get when you attempt to handle everything on your own.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverence the race marked for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scourning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
-Hebrews 12:1-3
GOD LOVES MESSED UP PEOPLE! ( That is such an amazing sign of his mercy and grace!)
All I need to say about this semester is, "Forgive Me."
How have I doubted you? How have I let others get to me spiritually? Why have I been so blind? I have shut you out while all the time you have been pursuing me. Your grace is sufficient - I cant thank you enough. I have fallen into the trap Satan places directly in front of us. I have not been the best teacher, coach, friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, or grand daughter I can be lately because I lost my balance.
This semester feels like it has been an epic fail in some ways, and I have to learn from my mistakes. I am so used to success and this semester absolutely frustrated me. I feel as if this system beat me down mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For a while I have tried to understand this semester and have resented God for making it so difficult, and then I gained some much needed perspective while reading.
"You can spend your whole life trying to become what your soul longs for without God. You might resent him that he's made it hard for you to live out your dreams or fulfill your destiny. It's never quite hit you that it's in the struggle, in the process, even in the search for God, that He is making you strong enough to take flight." - Erwin Raphael McManus
These words resound in truth.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
- James 1:2-4
The thing God keeps hammering home in my stubborn ways is to have faith and relinquish control and all worry and concerns to him. He afterall is Man enough to handle it (well he is better than man, but you get what I am trying to say!)
I have to say that God has beyond blessed me with the most amazing friends and family who speak truth and encouragement into my life. My family is a rock of unwavering support and love. Morgan well she is always there to listen and just gets what I am and I am not saying. She always asks about my feelings (hahaha) and makes me verbalize which I....well slightly struggle with. She has a beautiful heart and is a humble servant. Ellie is amazing and brings laughter and fun into everything. You never have a dull moment when you are with her. She has tenacity and sassiness. I know she would do anything for me. Felicia always brings truth, impartial advice, and insight into situations. She is incredible, honest and trustworthy. She is truly a wonderful friend. Tay and Maria what can I say about these two...I simply love them both and they always have laughter and such encouraging words. BJ is always there when I am in need of a hug...oh and our life chats aren't too shabby either. Shannon, my adult advice guru, she is so wise and well simply astonishing. She is an amazing woman of God and ballin' campus minister, who is making a difference in the lives of her students. And well then I guess there is that fella by the name of Zeb. He is a great Christian guy who loves his family and helping others. He listens to me...even my complaining about an education system I cant fix and all. He is an extraordinary, thoughtful, and supportive boyfriend. He doesnt back down from an argument (sometimes you just need to argue about any random pointless topic and well he holds his own) and makes me laugh.
So, here's to my peeps (if I had a glass I would make a toast!)...I have the best in the world!
God has brought each of these amazing people into my life and knows the friendship and compassion I need from them. I love each of them and the light they bring into my life.
So, year 2010 has proved to be anything but boring. I have lived, I have learned, and I am thanking God for his unconditional love. God has shown me patience, determination, and persaverance this semester in whole new ways.
The thought I want to end on is this:
If I truly believe you are my strength, my song, my light, and my salvation, then why do I go about trying to do things on my own? I need to realize that I am only empowered by the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. And if I know that my Savior can move mountains then why do I let in Satan and the doubters? I have to be purposeful in keeping God as my leader and the relationship that makes all the difference in my walk and day-to-day life.
I cant make a difference in the lives of my students and others if I cant get my steps in tune with God. I have to push away the enemy and stand with the peace and purpose of God.
