Why Me?

"I called; you answered, and you came to my rescue..."

These lyrics ring so true...

I am not worthy to call His name much less be forgiven in his sight. I don't deserve His forgiveness yet he offers it freely to me. My trifflin foolish ways are disgusting/despicable in his pure and perfect existence.

His love can not be pirated or reproduced or matched.
I am a sinner falling way short of the Glory of God...yet he took my sins upon the cross and only asks for my faith in him.

My little mind cannot wrap around and comprehend the unending love and existence of this glorious mercy. His Grace is sufficient, because I couldn't possibly ever earn a place in his presence.

So, I wonder, "Who am I?" And I thank God for reaching down and pulling me out of darkness.

But he said to me," My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
2 Cor. 12:9

Lyrics that spoke to me today were "Savior, Please" by Josh Wilson

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends,
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I cant do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me.

Amen!

Just Another Day In Trenches...

I went to worship at BCM Tuesday knowing I just needed that pure worship time, but I was struck by how much meaning Jerrod's talk about the challenges that new college students face and relevance those same words had in my life currently. I mean there are moments in sermons that you feel like God just singled you out, and said hey I am speaking directly to you with this sermon. I know that I have had struggled to see my place in the classroom with the difficulty of my first few weeks. But, God knows exactly how much we can handle and exactly when you need encouragement. Well, he did just that with the words He spoke through Jerrod.

The following verse struck me on Tuesday.

'I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance.' - Revelation 2:2

It may seem simple, but it just dawned on me that God knows my heart and my struggles. He also will never give me more than I can handle. He has called me to be an educator, I am certain of that. I need to be secure in the fact that he will use me where he places me. I have wondered in the past weeks if I was failing the students, because it has been a rocky start with students that have been lost to suspensions. I know too that I am doing all that I can to be effective inside and outside of the classroom. This verse hit me like a brick...persevere, keep fighting the good battle...just because you cant see the value immediately does not mean their is no value in the tasks you have been charged to carry out. I know that where I am weak He is strong...and He will be there to guide me in the direction to take in my job.

'He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.'- Isaiah 40:29-31

Tonight God knew exactly what I needed to hear to lift my spirit and change my perspective. I got a phone call from a friend that I have worked years with. First good news, he was baptized this past weekend...Amen. Second, he has decided to give back to his community through starting a high school tutoring ministry at his church. The tutoring started tonight and he called me so excited to let me know that he was tutoring two of my former students. He asked the students about me, and the student paid me one of the coolest/humbling compliments a teacher can receive. They are twins that I helped and had many conversations with while student teaching. The students told him that, "Ms. Jordan is the only reason we decided to take Calculus in high school. We had decided totally against it, and after long conversations with Ms. Jordan about college and our opportunities we decided to take Calculus." I am speechless....It is amazing to think that you can impact students lives so drastically with helping them pass Algebra 2 with Trig...to deciding to take a Calculus. They also said that we had several meaningful spiritual conversations...It just made my day more than I can express. I just am humbled by God using me in their lives. It makes the rough days seem worth every second.

My friend went on to say that he believes it was no coincidence that we worked together, that I taught these students, that he met these students, that they discussed me, that he is using these students to build a ministry, and that he would love for me to join him in the ministry. It is the work of God that these situations all intersected and it is totally amazing to see how God works through people and makes peoples paths purposefully cross. I am just honored and completely humbled that God chose me to impact these lives...Who am I?

Am I making a difference?

I ask myself daily "Am I making a difference?"

As I walk the halls, I see faces upon faces pass me by and the random shout out, " Hey, Ms. Jordan". I cant help but wonder what will be my impact in the lives of these students. I have to admit that so far I have been nothing short of overwhelmed when it comes to the demands of teaching. I am struggling to keep myself afloat in the sea of paperwork that not only I have to complete, but I must somehow get students to return with parent signatures. I have a million things to finish and well not enough hours in my day to complete even a tenth of those required.

I sit and wonder is this what I went to school for seven years to do. Am I making a positive influence in the lives of students inside and outside of my classroom? I dont mean this like I want to quit or give up on the students...that is exactly opposite of my intension. I teach students who are repeating Algebra for the second if not third time. I am just wondering where is the time to impart the knowledge of mathematics and make connections with students when I am buried in the paperwork required. I am struggling to find the light in the darkness of my students lives and realize the battles they are facing. I am the last hope some of these students have for making it to graduation...but I am struggling just to gain respect from these students who hate the system.

I am accountable for the education of these students in a subject that most people absolutely loath and this task seems so daunting in my third week of teaching. I am struggling to find a way to reach my students because the displine/behavior issues inside and outside of my classroom have hindered any sense of class flow or cohesion. I am constantly dealing with kids who are suspended or in retract...this just puts them further and further behind. I am just frustrated with the difficulty of the balance between those who want to succeed and those who are just causing disruptions which impedes the learning process of all their classmates.

I just want to know that the hours of work, frustration, worry, and prayers will have a positive impact on at least one of the students that come across the threshold of my classroom. I am struggling with the battle to remain positive in a system that so many are bashing. I just want my students to leave my classroom knowing that ... A. I cared about them, B. they should have respect for themselves, C. hardwork and determination will get you far in life, D. be more prepared to meet the demands of society after high school, and maybe just maybe they will be E. Better problem solvers. SO, with that said I have to do my best to focus each day on the fact that TODAY is a new day and that students can suceed TODAY in my classroom, and remain hopeful that I am doing what I set out to do in the first place.

Two quotes that are some of my favorites, and I find helpful in keeping my attitude positive and my strength during the difficult times throughout each day are as follows:

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world."- Ghandi

I have to remember how to measure success which I think Ralph Waldo Emerson sums up perfectly!

"The definition of success- To laugh much; to win the respect of intellegent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...This is to have succeeded."

Let it Be!

So, I am jamming to some Beatles...

I am excited about the fact that I am starting a new chapter in my life...real adulthood. I am officially employed as a teacher at Alma Bryant High School. I dont think it has completely sunk in that I am going to have my own classroom in a few weeks. Let me just say I went to a meeting last week where we discussed retirement...which by the way is so odd and makes you feel really old. So yep, I am now a real life adult!

I am just enjoying my last few days of freedom before the crazy school year begins. I have been supported by so many people during my time in school and throughout this hiring process. I appreciate all those who contributed to my success over the years and helped me get to this point...I am truly lucky!

Sometimes you just got to throw your hand up and testify!

"I called, you answered and you came to my rescue;

and I want to be where you are."
-Came to My Rescue, Hillsong United

This summer has been amazing. God has shown me so much about who he is and who I am in him.

First, I have to say that I never expected camp to be so rewarding. I have had the privilege to work with some amazing people this summer...I cant explain my connection with the CWP staff (We are family.) BJ, Jen, Emily, Matt, Andy, Lisa, Andrea, Hayley, Josh, Kenzie, and Megan...(I know God brought us all together and it was great to scrub toilets, wash dishes, mop, sweep, sing random songs in unison, fry oreos and p-bjs, syncopate all varieties of rhythms on cafeteria tables and even pots and pans, laugh, play, worship and serve with you guys!) The camps have proven to wear out us staff and blessed us each in a unique way. Week one was Momentum kids camp, week 2 was Refuel youth camp #1, week 3 was Refuel youth camp #2, and week 4 was GA camp.

I loved every moment of my experience at Camp Whispering Pines...even in the difficult moments God revealed so much. I have seen lives changed including my own...it is amazing what God can show/teach you when you surround yourself with the beauty of his creation and minimize the distractions in your life.

There are so many great stories and new friendships from my time at CWP this summer. But, the most amazing and humbling expereience God let me be a part of was leading a girl named Gracie through a prayer of salvation. She told me she was too scared the first night to come forward during worship, but she could not stay seated the night she accepted Christ. I can't express in words how I felt during taht service and in that counseling session...the closest I can get is overwhelming joy mixed with the blessing of being allowed to experience the furthering of The Kingdom and the addition of a new name into the book of eternity. Still weeks later I am speechless. The kids camp was exhausting and one of the busiest schedules I have ever worked but worth every second. We had a 120 + kids during the first week. The girls in my cabin were great and leading devotion with them was so fantastic. Those little faces were so hard to say goodbye too...literally we stood by the van for thirty minutes giving hugs and more hugs. Fantastic week other than the fact I was miserably sick Tuesday and Wednesday.

The second camp was our first youth camp of the summer and the MUD ministries team out of Florida joined as staff and led camp with the CWP crew. The MUD team was AMAZING - cool people and so much fun to serve alongside! I was amazed at the instant connection I had with the MUD staff...It felt like I had known some of the mudlets for years. The first camp was only about thirty youth, this however made for a very cool closeknit camp. Some of the worship services during this camp were the most moving. OH!!!...I have failed to mention how completely awesome and talented the MUD worship band is! Each nightthey surprised me with their God given gifts and abilities to truly honor God with their talents! There were many youth saved at the services at Refuel camp #1, but the most moving service was the last night of camp. It was simple and brought worship back to the basics...just an acoustic guitar and lyrics. We changed our worship location from the chapel to the lodge were the only lighting was a fire in the fireplace and a few candles. We worshiped and God's presence was most definitely felt. It still gives me chills. We sang "Jesus Paid It All" and there was just so much emotion in that room. The message that night was simply one question posed by Dan, "What is keeping you from having a deeper relationship or any relationship with God?" We wrote our responses on slips of paper and were given the opportunity to make a decision to let them go and burn the obsticles we had written in the fire. Then Dan opened the floor for people to share what was holding them back...one person after another shared what was going on in their personal lives. It just goes to show that we are all broken and in need of a Savior and his unbounded GRACE. This service was so meaningful to me. Sometimes there is nothing left but to be broken and crying out in awe and admiration to a God that loves beyond what we can comprehend. The worship service left tears rolling down my face and me hugging one of my dearest friends while choking on the words..."Oh, praise the One who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead." I am confident it was by far the most intense and moving service for everyone this summer. I praise God for meeting with us in such a personal way that night. I was left with a heavy heart for the teenagers at this camp; their situations and obsticles in their personal lives just broke my heart. One thing resounds, God is always there for us and he can handle it all.

On a lighter note, the talent/lip sync contrest was an absolute blast. Jen and Mason's performance of "Let it Be" from Across the Universe was absolutely hilarious... R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Barbara Ann, Party in the USA (performed by a male camper in a green wig and makeup) and Saddie Hawkins Dance were my favorites. It was a fabulous way to close out Refuel camp.

The third camp was our largest camp and all but maxed out the camp capacity. The youth enjoyed the team competitions which included sloppy olympics, skits, trivia, an insane belly flop competition, camp quest, innertube dodgeball, and an EPIC relay. Daily we had different sessions and classes campers chose to which to participate in such as Question Wrestling. In this session, we talked through and tried to answer questions such as, "If God created us, then who or what created God?" and "If God knows what we are going to do before we do it, do we still have free will?" This class was led by the camp speaker Pastor Matt and Pastor Max. I left the class with some new perspectives on things such as eternity. The camp again saw girls in my cabin and many other youth make decisions about their faith. God used each camp differently to impact the lives of youth from local churches. The one thing that was apparent in the message that week to me was...Find what you are passionate about and then find some way to reach people for Christ or show Christ's love through the talents and gifts God gave us. I hated to see the end of Refuel camp come because it meant we had to say our goodbyes to the MUD staff as they were headed back to Florida to do camps of their own.

Week 4: GA Camp. It started off so well...who knew what was in store for us by Thursday. This was our only camp that really was affected and limited due to rain. We had to juggle activities and roll with things as they came along. This camp focuses on missions and educating girls about missionaries around the world. Wednesday night we had a worship service we had a worship service around the camp fire...I mean come on who doesn't like a fire side sing-along... Most of CWP staff have all served on mission trips, so the camp director asked if we would all share about our experiences. BJ and I tag-teamed the Guat experience and spoke about our opportunity to go abroad. It was a great fire side service but little did we know what we would wake up to the following morning. So in the middle of the night the stomach virus struck like a bandit and had absolutely no mercy... A tenth of the campers were filling the full wrath of the virus. In a few hours, we went from all is well to absolute war on germs.We had to end camp early and send campers packing- we had a germ epidemic on our hands.

Well the incredible CWP family that I spoke of earlier got the delight of cleaning and sanitizing every inch of the dorms... ladies and gentlemen it was not pretty or for the faint of heart. We should have had on full hazmat suits!!! Somehow we all survived the process of cleaning and sanitizing those dorms! Although we may later find out the side effects of inhaling the massive amounts of chemicals we used to scrub the place down! With all of that it was still a good camp and I hated to see it end like that.

This brings me up to the present, which I currently am chillin in

Bham with the parentals getting everything together to move on Saturday. I am still awaiting the final verdict on the whole job thing, but things are looking promising.

This summer has been an adventure that I thank God for. I met amazing new friends, learned so much about God, refocused, shared my faith, poured myself into others and let others pour themselves into my life, furthered friendships, and came away changed.

So, I am just throwing my hand up to testify! GOD IS GOOD!

New Focus

These are just some thoughts from the first week of camp...I am refocusing some things right now. I will soon post about my first camp of the summer which was childrens camp.

Anger that has taken over my thoughts and persuaded my action and emotions...I have allowed it to seep into my conscience and cloud my judgement. I need to realize that no matter what God is in control, his strength and love is deeper than anything we can humanly fathom. Life is short and God is teaching me to realize that anger only generates hate...which is just letting Satan win. I will not spend my life angry and allow that same anger to stomp out my joy!

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. - James 1:19-20

Something that has resounded in the first week at camp:
-How is it possible that we live as though it is about us?

My worries ( which are simply my lacking faith that God is powerful/caring enough to handle what is going on in my life.), my joys/sorrows, my gifts, my talents all fail mightily in comparison to His grace.

I need to understand that God is working on us, with us, and through us. We simply cant explain some things that happen, but God has a purpose and if we really open our eyes, ears, and hearts we can learn from all of life's situations and scenarios.

So for now, I simply just want to take the time to come and listen with reverence and a humble disposition, then praise Him for what he has done.

A new song that I just love:

Needtobreathe -- Something Beautiful

In you ocean I'm ankle deep,
I feel the waves crashing on my feet;
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out,
I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
when your tide washes over me,
There's only one way to figure out
Will you let me drown?
Will you let me drown?

Hey now, this my desire:
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh...something beautiful.

And the water is rising quick,
And for years I was scared of it.
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side,
No, I can't leave your side.

Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh...something beautiful,
Oh-oh...something beautiful.

In a daydream
I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful.
But when I wake up
And all I want, I have
You know it's still all I need - something beautiful.

Hey now, this is my desire:
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want something beautiful to touch me -
I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for something beautiful.
Oh-oh...something beautiful,
Oh-oh...something beautiful.

So yeah... It is Well with My Soul!

There has been a good deal going on in my life lately, and this semester has shown me that more than anything I must rely on God in all areas of my life. It is obvious that I can not handle it myself and today I am singing...

"Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same"

Somedays I sit and wonder who am I to be worthy of his grace.